Things To Do List Satire: Calling the Baltimore Sun

It's a Sunday night here in Roanoke, Va., and that only means one thing: Listening to music from the '30s and '40s on our local NPR radio station (to the folks at WVTF, just kidding, we love what you do for us and I am actually listening to '30s and '40s music........even though Steely Dan and Supertramp are really my speed)......

Oh, about our last entry, yeah, that was an April Fool's Joke, but we did watch the Final 4 games on tv. And, we didn't tape them, so there was no avoiding the annoying Southwest Airlines ads.

So, since there is not too much going on tonight until "Mad Men" comes on, we thought we would do a satirical things to do list for this coming week:

1. Get the current issue of "Writer's Digest"

2. Actually write something, even a haiku.

3. Drive to Winchester, Va., to find the late country singer Patsy Cline's grave (pict. center)

4. Call "The Baltimore Sun" and ask them to send today's Sunday edition of their newspaper to my address even though I live six hours away from them (the Baltimore Orioles start their season tomorrow....we think)....

5. Mapquest directions to Portland, Maine, so you can see a Portland Sea Dogs minor league baseball team, even though Maine is pretty freaking far from Virginia.

6. Play Ms. Pac-Mac for 6.5 hours

7. Watch the entire first two seasons of the '70s BBC comedy series "Are You Being Served?" (pictured bottom......I think my friend Chris Knight is the only person my age who actually watches this show regularly....)

8. Laundry

9. Carwash

10. Dishes

http://wvtf.org/

http://www.writersdigest.com/

http://www.visitwinchesterva.com/

http://www.baltimoresun.com/

https://www.facebook.com/portlandseadogs

http://www.aybscentral.com/

http://www.theknightshift.com/

We Are Going to the Final Four in Indy............

Yes, indeed, a good friend of mine from Charlotte, NC, backed out of going to the NCAA Tournament so he could tend to the health of his ailing Yorkie terrier B.B. King (named after the blues legend, of course). We wish B.B. the best, but we are going to Indianapolis!

For those of you who are politically liberal, you will be delighted to learn that because of a hotel shortage in the Indiana capital, where Republican governor Mike Pence signed a stupid gay discrimination bill cloaked as religious freedom, I will be staying in Louisville, Ky., instead.

The issue has been the talk of both the political and sports world circuit. Dave Zirin of "The Nation" said that Duke University Coach Mike Krzyzewski (also known as Coach K) was a coward for not standing up to the measure. But, we did learn that the Duke coach recently wrote a letter to a struggling grade school kid in Oklahoma, urging him to make a strong effort in school. Unlike Zirin, a rare progressive sports writer, David Brooks, who is center-right politically, criticized gay rights groups for being too political, or something to that effect.

But, I am nevertheless pleased to go to the Final Four; the ironic thing is that I would have been just as happy to go to the Frozen Four in Philadelphia!

Images: 1) the retired jersey of Kentucky Wildcats great Sam Bowie wh played there in the early eighties, 2) the Duke Blue Devils mascot who is simply known as Blue Devil, 3) Frank Kaminisky, number 44 in red, in action for the Wisconisn Badgers.

The Michigan State Spartans are the fourth team in the Final Four.

The Final Four Is Set_ Not a Good NCAAs for Tobacco Road

One week from today, we will see if Kansas Jayhawks coach Bill Self (pictured here) and his team will win the NCAA tournament as they did in 2008.

Yesterday, the Jayhawks defeated a UNC Tarheels team that was without starting point guard Kendall Marshall by a score of 80-67 in a game that close until its last minutes. In the Sweet 16, the Jayhawks narrowly avoided an upset from the North Carolina State Wolfpack in their 60-57 win.

In the win over the Tarheels, Tysham Taylor scored 22 points, Thomas Robinson scored 18 points and Jeff Whiley had 15 points and eight rebounds for the Jayhawks. For the Tarheels, the excellent career of ACC Player of the Year Tyler Zeller, who won a final Four championship in 2009 came to an end.

Kansas will now face Ohio State in New Orleans as Jared Sullinger scored 19 points in the Buckeyes' win over Syracuse in the Elite 8.

There was only team in the Elite 8 which had never won a national championship. But, unfortunately for the Baylor Bears their opponent was overall number one seed Kentucky. In an impressive regionals for the Wildcats, they defeated the Indiana Hooisers 102-90 on Friday, and then turned around to beat the Bears 82-70.

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist had 19 points for the Wildcats and Anthony Davis scored 18 points and grabbed 11 rebounds.

They will meet in-state rival Louisville, which lost to the Wildcats 69-62 earlier in the year, as the Cardinals made a 23-8 rally to defeat the Florida Gators 72-68. Russ Smith lead the way for the Cardinals with 19 points.

The Kentucky-Louisville game appears to be the more interesting of the two match-ups for another reason: The Cardinals' coach Rick Pitino used to coach the Wildcats. Both Pitino and Kentucky coach John Calipari are the only two coaches who have taken three different teams to the Final Four.

Kudos to VCU

Since I went to a relatively small school in Virginia, Radford University, I want to personally congratulate the Virginia Commonwealth University Rams from Richmond, Va., the unlikeliest team to make it to the NCAA men's basketball Final Four in Houston next week.

The Rams pulled a huge 71-61 upset over top-seed Kansas yesterday, amazing everyone in the college basketball universe. The Rams are coached by Shaka Smart, who is only 33. They were helped by 26 points from Jamie Skeen, a senior Wake Forest transfer from Charlotte, NC.

VCU also has a player from my hometown of Roanoke, Va., in Troy Daniels who is an alumnus of William Fleming High School.

We were also hoping the University of North Carolina would join them, but the Tarheels fell to the University of Kentucky by a score of 76-69. The Wildcats won the game in large part because of 22 points from their star player Brandon Knight.

Ironically, the voice of the Tarheels is named Woody Durham (for those of you in Kazakhstan, Durham, NC, is where Duke University is located is UNC's main athletic rival). As it turns out, Woody Durham, 68, was also a childhood friend of Duke's announcer Bob Harris as both are from the Burlington, NC-area which is close to both campuses.

And, speaking of Kazakhstan, they lost a road Euro Cup qualifying game to Germany by a 4-0 score over the weekend. The Germans got two goals each from Miroslav Klose and Thomas Mueller. But, Zhambyl Kukeyev almost scored for the Kazaks in the 71st minute of play.

I must profess that soccer geography is a bit strange as Kazakhstan is not one of the 47 countries in Europe. Nor are Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia and Israel, yet all are competing for slots in the 2012 Euro Cup which will be held in France this summer.

According to NPR, only one of the 47 European countries executed people last year, and that was Belarus, which is run by a ruthless dictator named Alexander Lukashenko. Belarus executed two people last year.

As a life-long death penalty opponent, I regret that the United States of America ranks fifth in the world in executions.

Ironically, Turkey, my late father's home country, which has often been criticized for human rights abuses by Amnesty International outlawed capital punishment well over a decade ago.

The other two teams to reach the men's final four are Butler University, another underdog which also made the semis last year, and the University of Connecticut.

For those who feel politics and sports don't mix, we fully understand. But, the other side (well, right-wingers) seem to have no problems mixing up the two as one can plainly see an NRA billboard at Memorial Stadium where the minor league Salem Red Sox play home games in Salem, Va., and a similar billboard can be found at the Lynchburg Hillcats' stadium as well. So, there ya' go!

Kudos to the Duke Blue Devils!

The Duke University Blue Devils are the new NCAA national champion in men's basketball following their dramatic 61-59 victory over underdog Butler, a small school with just over 4,000 students in Indianapolis, which almost made a sports fairy tale come true--- and, in their hometown no less!

"We knew it was going to be a 40-minute war," Duke player Nolan Smith said. "Everybody played a great game."

Since we are based here in North Carolina, we are happy for the Blue Devils, a team that earned a coveted fourth national championship. Their arch rival, the University of North Carolina Tarheels won the 2009 men's basketball championship.

The Blue Devils were also helped out by standouts Jon Scheyer, Kyle Singler and Brain Zoubek.

The Butler Bulldogs, a team that my cousin Mike from Rock Hill, SC, had in his Final Four (though he thought they would lose to Kansas; they lost to Northern Iowa in the second round of the tourney) were helped out by Gordon Hayward, Shelvin Mack and Matt Howard. Hayward narrowly missed a half-court last second shot which would have won the game for Butler.

The game reminded of the sports documentary "Harvard Beats Yale 29-29" which profiled a famous football game in the late '60s that saw Harvard come back from being far behind in the waining minutes of the game.

Duke also has a competitive women's lacrosse team, which is ranked third nationally. The Lady Blue Devils host Boston College at Koskinen Stadium on the Duke campus in Durham, NC, on 1 p.m. on Saturday.

My Cousin Mike Picked Butler to Make it to Final Four!

I must profess that I laughed at my cousin Michael, who is an alumnus of Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC, the school that beat my alma mater Radford University to win The Big South Tournament in Myrtle Beach (well, Conway, SC, is close enough) a few weeks ago, when he told me that he picked the Butler Bulldogs to make it to the Final Four.

I asked him point blank: "How would they beat Syracuse?"

He said: "I don't know. I just think they just will."

And, by a score of 73-69 Butler did just that!

My lone Final Four pick which made it to Indianapolis, where Butler is, happens to West Virginia University. I am especially happy for their Turkish basketball player Deniz Kilicli who made his debut for the Mountaineers this year (that is not him pictured here).

We are also happy for 'the local team,' The Duke University Blue Devils though I live some 90 miles away from Durham, NC, which is also home to the Durham Bulls minor league baseball team. Coach K's team downed Baylor this afternoon which had to have really ticked off a friend of mine in Wilmington, NC, because not only is he a Tarheels fan but he also had the Bears from Waco, Tex., in his Final Four!

The last team to make it is Michigan State. They beat the Tennessee Volunteers 70-69 while I was shopping at Pet-Smart. I almost adopted a kitten today, but there were a few complications. Oh well, there is a next year- well except for those players who are seniors or leaving college early to make a zillion bucks playing for a team like the Minnesota T-Wolves in the NBA.

President Barack Obama Makes His Final 4 Picks

President Barack Obama has once again filled out his brackets and chosen his Final Four. Even though I voted for him, we only chose one team in common-the Villanova Wildcats.


Interestingly enough, three of the four teams Obama selected are nicknamed Wildcats, including Villanova, Kentucky and Kansas State.

The lone exception is the team he is picking to win it all: The Kansas Jayhawks (mascot pictured here) though even if they win, I would expect that since Kansas is a very red state (though they actually have a Democratic governor) they will go for Sarah Palin in 2012. (I will not!)

Obama picks the Jayhawks to beat Ashley Judd's beloved Kentucky Wildcats in the final. Former President Bill Clinton told ESPN that he also likes the Jayhawks' chances, but his pick to win it all is Syracuse- a top-seeded team which Obama did not put in his Final Four.

Last year, when Obama picked the University of North Carolina to win it all, he was criticized by right-wing talk show host Bill O'Reilly for going public with his picks. Of course, if Obama had not chosen to disclose his brackets, O'Reilly would have found another reason to bicker.

In order to preserve a remote sense of journalistic objectivity, I checked Newt Gingrich's Twitter page to see if he made any picks in the NCAA Tournament, but he is more concerned about federal dollars potentially going to women who want/need to have an abortion.