The Top 10-Christmas Wish List (Gag Gifts Edition)

I was joking with my cousin Bradley West who has just finished a year-long ice-fishing expedition in the North Pole where he developed a tragic alcholic dependency porblem, and he was wondering: "Attila, my dear cousin, blood brother and comrade, what the heck da ya want fer Christmas?" They then gave a sob story about how cold and lonely it is up there (this is a joke, of course as I don't know a single person who has been to the North Pole or North Pole, Ak., for that matter! Oh, and I don't have cousins named Bradley).

But, there are always people who want to know these things, so I have developed two separate lists: one for potential gag lists and one for actual gifts that I would love to have. There is, of course, a thin line between the two.

So, here are my top ten gag gift ideas:

1. The Bert and Ernie: Don't Ask, Don't Tell t-shirt ($18). We saw this advertised in "Rolling Stone." It's available from tshirtsthatsuck.com
Yes, I'm not sure if it will go over well in Martinsville, Va., or Kingsport, Tenn., either!

2. Marijuana Leaf Neckties- Well, we obviously could NEVER wear it to work (definitely not for a job interview) but an assortment of these 'products' are available from web sites like zazzle.com for between $5-31.

3. Brady Bunch Lunchbox- Well, we obviously could NEVER bring this to work, but that would be to save one's self from persistent ridicule throughout the work day. These were actually made in the '70s and prices on the net range from $20-45.

4. Mr. Potato Head- Yikes! The 2010 Toy Story 3 edition of Mr. Potato Head retails for $38 at places like Target. But, we did learn while researching this entry (yes, we did actually do that!) that Mr. Potato Head, which was first made in 1952, lost the pipe in 1986 as to not encourage kids to smoke.

5. Swedish Pop CDs_ Abba, Roxette, Robyn, Ace of Base and/or The Cardigans (they were on the original "Beverly Hills 90210" soundtrack) would be a great gag gift for those of who prefer the vastly superior Norwegian pop (ok, I can't think of any Norwegian bands besides A-ha either). We found out just today that Abba is performing in Istanbul, Turkey- of all places, on Dec. 13.

6. "Gulliver's Travels" (paperback edition; $5-14). Since I wrote a book report on this classic by Jonathan Swift 21 years ago, this gift would indeed be quite ironic and inexpensive. But, I probably won't get around to reading it!

7. "Chico and the Man" DVD Set- Can you imagine the look on someone's face if you actually get them all 88 episodes of the hit '70s sitcom (it ran from 1974-1978)? We were stunned to find out that the show continued after its star Freddie Prinze (father of Freddie Prinze Jr.) committed suicide by gunshot at age 22 in 1977. The things you learn from blogging are something else, aren't they!

8. Che Guevara Little Thinker Plush Toy ($15) and Jesus Christ Bobblehead ($10)_ Yes, for a mere $25, you can show a family member that you have a very surreal sense of humor. This would be perfect for an off-the-wall cousin of mine who lives somewhere in rural Missouri who has made sure that there is no possible way I can be the black sheep of the family even though I would be the black sheep of 99 percent of all American/Canadian families.

9. "Conscience of a Conservative" by Barry Goldwater (Sr.)_ If you really want me to look at you as if I was a character in a vintage Tex Avery cartoon (he was the one who came up with the idea of sockets popping out though we need to ask our Honduran intern Javier to verify that), you can get me this 1960 booklet that is 84 pages long (I am a partisan Democrat).

10. Another subscription to a 'get connected' web site_ Judging from their ads, you would think sites like E-Harmony, Ok Cupid, Match.com, Plentyoffish.com, Connectsingles.com and lavalife.com could actually connect with a woman who likes Anne Hathaway who happens to think the fact that you have every issue of "Hot Stuff" and "Daredevil" is so cool. Think again! (I speak from experience....)

"Tarkan Versus the Vikings" Revisited

Last week, the Swedish Parliament in Stockholm passed a resolution recognizing the ever-controversial Armenian Genocide (or as I call it The Rashomon Nightmare) by a 131 to 130 vote.

A similar measure was passed by the House Committee on Foreign Affairs on Capitol Hill the week before by a 23-22 count. Among those who voted for the measure were comittee chair Cong. Howard Bermon (D-Calif.) over the objections of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

The current Turkish-Swedish spat has reminded me of a right-wing comic book film (actually based on the comic book "Tarkan" by the late Sezgin Burak) "Tarkan Versus the Vikings" (1971) which starred action film icon Kartal Tibet as (who else?!) Tarkan.

"Tarkan vs. the Vikings" is actually available on Netflix, and it is quite an amusing film, which even non-Turkish cinema cinephiles (yes, we are the oxy-morons of oxy-morons) will undoubtedly love. I personally think the fake octopus (we should have posted an image of it here- maybe, next time) is one of the greatest bad special effects in world cinema history.

David Austin of cinemastrikesback.com called "Tarkan Versus the Vikings" (one of several Tarkan films): "Turkey's answer to the Italian sword and sandal films and it is more fun than a proverbial barrel of monkeys."

Austin added that the film was like "Conan the Barbarian done on $10,000 and amphetamines."

The plot of the film is a relatively simply one. Tibet/Tarkan has to resuce the Princess Yonca (played by Swedish actress Eva Burden) from the evil Viking Toro who happens to worship an octopus-god monster. Well, maybe it's not as simple as I recall (I must profess to only seeing the film in its entirety once).

But, the film does reflect the Turkish distrust of the outside world, and it perhaps explains why Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan went as far as to remove Turkey's ambassador to Sweden Zergun Koruturk and cancel a pre-arranged trip to Stockholm.

I must profess that I agree with Mehmet Kaplan, a Turkish member of the Swedish Parliament who represents the liberal Environment Party, who told Turkey's conservative newspaper "Zaman" (the FoxNews of Turkey, and I don't tend to agree with them much) that the political timing was bad since Ankara and Yerevan were working on peace negotations. But, (and I know some of my fellow Turkish-Americans will not like me for saying this) I also think Erdogan, who in my opinion has been a bad leader at an important juncture, overeacted as the measure was passed by only one vote and Swedish Foreign Minster Carl Bildth opposed it.

The Swedish measure was praised by the leading Armenian-American lobbyist Aram Hamparian who heads ANCA, the leading Armenian political group in Washington, DC, and Suzanne Khordalian who heads a similar organziation in Sweden. She told various Armenian news outlets that the meetings lasted five hours.

One of my concerns about such political spats is that it will assist ultra-right Turkish nationalists in their political efforts. In an unrelated manner, Yurdagul Simsek of the English-language edition of Turkey's leading newspaper "Hurriyet" reported that far-right politicians like Devlet Bahceli (The Turkish Newt Gingrich) were upset that Turkish performers at a European song contest were going to sing a song in English.

Hey, Abba sang songs in English and look what it did for them.....and Sweden!

Olympics Athletes Profile (18 of 25)- Meghan Agosta/women's hockey/Canada

Tommorow night, Team Canada will face Team USA in the gold medal game for women's hockey in Vancouver. The Americans will want revenge since the Canadian women's team won the gold medal over Team USA during the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City.

Meghan Agosta, 23, has been the main star of the Canadian team as she has scored nine goals in the competition so far. So far during the games, Agosta, an Ontario native has scored two hat tricks: one against Slovakia and the other against Sweden.

During the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, Agosta scored a hat trick on her 19th birthday against Russia.

Agosta started playing hockey at the age of six. In 2004, she moved to Calgary to train for the Canadian national team.

She has also played college hockey for Mercyhurst College in Erie, Pa., where she became the first freshman nominated for player of the year.

Agosta lead the Lakers to an NCAA Division 1 title game against Wisconsin in 2009, but they fell to the Badgers by a 5-0 margin.

Expectations are high for both men's and women's Canadian hockey teams since the games are in Vancouver. Both Team Canada and Team USA have had little difficulty winning in women's hockey, so tomorrow night's game will be the first true test for both teams.

And, as the old Abba song goes: "The Winner Takes it All." (hmmm.....sorry for that!)