I was joking with my cousin Bradley West who has just finished a year-long ice-fishing expedition in the North Pole where he developed a tragic alcholic dependency porblem, and he was wondering: "Attila, my dear cousin, blood brother and comrade, what the heck da ya want fer Christmas?" They then gave a sob story about how cold and lonely it is up there (this is a joke, of course as I don't know a single person who has been to the North Pole or North Pole, Ak., for that matter! Oh, and I don't have cousins named Bradley).
But, there are always people who want to know these things, so I have developed two separate lists: one for potential gag lists and one for actual gifts that I would love to have. There is, of course, a thin line between the two.
So, here are my top ten gag gift ideas:
1. The Bert and Ernie: Don't Ask, Don't Tell t-shirt ($18). We saw this advertised in "Rolling Stone." It's available from tshirtsthatsuck.com
Yes, I'm not sure if it will go over well in Martinsville, Va., or Kingsport, Tenn., either!
2. Marijuana Leaf Neckties- Well, we obviously could NEVER wear it to work (definitely not for a job interview) but an assortment of these 'products' are available from web sites like zazzle.com for between $5-31.
3. Brady Bunch Lunchbox- Well, we obviously could NEVER bring this to work, but that would be to save one's self from persistent ridicule throughout the work day. These were actually made in the '70s and prices on the net range from $20-45.
4. Mr. Potato Head- Yikes! The 2010 Toy Story 3 edition of Mr. Potato Head retails for $38 at places like Target. But, we did learn while researching this entry (yes, we did actually do that!) that Mr. Potato Head, which was first made in 1952, lost the pipe in 1986 as to not encourage kids to smoke.
5. Swedish Pop CDs_ Abba, Roxette, Robyn, Ace of Base and/or The Cardigans (they were on the original "Beverly Hills 90210" soundtrack) would be a great gag gift for those of who prefer the vastly superior Norwegian pop (ok, I can't think of any Norwegian bands besides A-ha either). We found out just today that Abba is performing in Istanbul, Turkey- of all places, on Dec. 13.
6. "Gulliver's Travels" (paperback edition; $5-14). Since I wrote a book report on this classic by Jonathan Swift 21 years ago, this gift would indeed be quite ironic and inexpensive. But, I probably won't get around to reading it!
7. "Chico and the Man" DVD Set- Can you imagine the look on someone's face if you actually get them all 88 episodes of the hit '70s sitcom (it ran from 1974-1978)? We were stunned to find out that the show continued after its star Freddie Prinze (father of Freddie Prinze Jr.) committed suicide by gunshot at age 22 in 1977. The things you learn from blogging are something else, aren't they!
8. Che Guevara Little Thinker Plush Toy ($15) and Jesus Christ Bobblehead ($10)_ Yes, for a mere $25, you can show a family member that you have a very surreal sense of humor. This would be perfect for an off-the-wall cousin of mine who lives somewhere in rural Missouri who has made sure that there is no possible way I can be the black sheep of the family even though I would be the black sheep of 99 percent of all American/Canadian families.
9. "Conscience of a Conservative" by Barry Goldwater (Sr.)_ If you really want me to look at you as if I was a character in a vintage Tex Avery cartoon (he was the one who came up with the idea of sockets popping out though we need to ask our Honduran intern Javier to verify that), you can get me this 1960 booklet that is 84 pages long (I am a partisan Democrat).
10. Another subscription to a 'get connected' web site_ Judging from their ads, you would think sites like E-Harmony, Ok Cupid, Match.com, Plentyoffish.com, Connectsingles.com and lavalife.com could actually connect with a woman who likes Anne Hathaway who happens to think the fact that you have every issue of "Hot Stuff" and "Daredevil" is so cool. Think again! (I speak from experience....)
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